Wednesday, September 1, 2010
Tuesday, June 15, 2010
y
alam kong ikaw yun. kilala ko ang boses mo.
alam kong ikaw yun. kasi alam ko ang reaksyon ng puso ko kapag ikaw ang kausap.
oo, aminado ako dun. di pa rin yun nagbabago. pero ngayon, iba na. parehong reaksyon, ibang nararamdaman.
sabi ko nga, kahit anino mo kilala ko.
bakit naman kasi kelangan mo pang mag kunwari? kelangan mo ba malaman kung ano magiging reaksyon? were you hoping na makikilala kita and in the process unmask you right there and then?
tapos na ang tanga tanga mode ko para sayo. lumipas na yun.
masaya sana ako kasi kahit papano, naisipan mo mag reach out.
di naman kita sasaktan. wala akong ibang hangad kundi ang maging kaibigan kang muli.
pero pano ba kita mapag kakatiwalaa kung sa una pa lang, lokohan na naman.
lokohan na nga noon, pati ba naman ngayon?
tama na.
sana sa susunod na gusto mo akong makausap, wag ka ng mag kunwari pa.
tapos na naman ang lahat.
tinapos mo na.
tinalikuran ko na rin ang lahat ng nararamdaman ko para sayo.
tama na.
sana bagong simula na lang ng pag kakaibigan.
alam kong ikaw yun. kasi alam ko ang reaksyon ng puso ko kapag ikaw ang kausap.
oo, aminado ako dun. di pa rin yun nagbabago. pero ngayon, iba na. parehong reaksyon, ibang nararamdaman.
sabi ko nga, kahit anino mo kilala ko.
bakit naman kasi kelangan mo pang mag kunwari? kelangan mo ba malaman kung ano magiging reaksyon? were you hoping na makikilala kita and in the process unmask you right there and then?
tapos na ang tanga tanga mode ko para sayo. lumipas na yun.
masaya sana ako kasi kahit papano, naisipan mo mag reach out.
di naman kita sasaktan. wala akong ibang hangad kundi ang maging kaibigan kang muli.
pero pano ba kita mapag kakatiwalaa kung sa una pa lang, lokohan na naman.
lokohan na nga noon, pati ba naman ngayon?
tama na.
sana sa susunod na gusto mo akong makausap, wag ka ng mag kunwari pa.
tapos na naman ang lahat.
tinapos mo na.
tinalikuran ko na rin ang lahat ng nararamdaman ko para sayo.
tama na.
sana bagong simula na lang ng pag kakaibigan.
Monday, June 7, 2010
Bob Ong’s Philosophy on Love
1.”Kung hindi mo mahal ang isang tao, wag ka nang magpakita ng motibo para mahalin ka nya..”
2. “Huwag mong bitawan ang bagay na hindi mo kayang makitang hawak ng iba.”
3. “Huwag mong hawakan kung alam mong bibitawan mo lang.”
4. “Huwag na huwag ka hahawak kapag alam mong may hawak ka na.”
5. “Parang elevator lang yan eh, bakit mo pagsisiksikan ung sarili mo kung walang pwesto para sayo. Eh meron naman hagdan, ayaw mo lang pansinin.”
6. “Kung maghihintay ka nang lalandi sayo, walang mangyayari sa buhay mo.. Dapat lumandi ka din.”
7. “Pag may mahal ka at ayaw sayo, hayaan mo. Malay mo sa mga susunod na araw ayaw mo na din sa kanya, naunahan ka lang.”
8. “Hiwalayan na kung di ka na masaya. Walang gamot sa tanga kundi pagkukusa.”
9. “Pag hindi ka mahal ng mahal mo wag ka magreklamo. Kasi may mga tao rin na di mo mahal pero mahal ka.. Kaya quits lang.”
10. “Kung dalawa ang mahal mo, piliin mo yung pangalawa. Kasi hindi ka naman magmamahal ng iba kung mahal mo talaga yung una.”
11. “Hindi porke’t madalas mong ka-chat, kausap sa telepono, kasama sa mga lakad o ka-text ng wantusawa eh may gusto sayo at magkakatuluyan kayo. Meron lang talagang mga taong sadyang friendly, sweet, flirt, malandi, pa-fall o paasa.”
12. “Huwag magmadali sa babae o lalaki. Tatlo, lima, sampung taon, mag-iiba ang pamantayan mo at maiisip mong hindi pala tamang pumili ng kapareha dahil lang maganda o nakakalibog ito. Totong mas mahalaga ang kalooban ng tao higit sa anuman. Sa paglipas ng panahon, maging ang mga crush ng bayan nagmumukha ding pandesal, maniwala ka.”
13. “Minsan kahit ikaw ang nakaschedule, kailangan mo pa rin maghintay, kasi hindi ikaw ang priority.”
14. “Mahirap pumapel sa buhay ng tao. Lalo na kung hindi ikaw yung bida sa script na pinili nya.”
15. “Alam mo ba kung gaano kalayo ang pagitan ng dalawang tao pag nagtalikuran na sila? Kailangan mong libutin ang buong mundo para lang makaharap ulit ang taong tinalikuran mo.”
16. “Mas mabuting mabigo sa paggawa ng isang bagay kesa magtagumpay sa paggawa ng wala”
17. “Hindi lahat ng kaya mong intindihin ay katotohan, at hindi lahat ng hindi mo kayang intindihin ay kasinungalingan”
18. “Kung nagmahal ka ng taong di dapat at nasaktan ka, wag mong sisihin ang puso mo. Tumitibok lng yan para mag-supply ng dugo sa katawan mo. Ngayon, kung magaling ka sa anatomy at ang sisisihin mo naman ay ang hypothalamus mo na kumokontrol ng emotions mo, mali ka pa rin! Bakit? Utang na loob! Wag mong isisi sa body organs mo ang mga sama ng loob mo sa buhay! Tandaan mo: magiging masaya ka lang kung matututo kang tanggapin na hindi ang puso, utak, atay o bituka mo ang may kasalanan sa lahat ng nangyari sayo, kundi IKAW mismo!”
19. “Ang pag-ibig parang imburnal…nakakatakot mahulog…at kapag nahulog ka, it’s either by accident or talagang tanga ka…”
20. “walang taong manhid…hindi niya lang talaga maintindihan kung ano ang gusto mong iparating dahil ayaw mo siyang diretsuhin..”
21. “kahit ikaw ay parang bato na manhid at walang pakiramamdam, mag ingat-ingat ka naman, dahil kahit ganyan ka, hindi nasasaktan, kaya mo namang makasakit”
22. “Gamitin ang puso para alagaan ang taong malapit sayo. Gamitin ang utak para alagaan ang sarili mo."
23. “Huwag mong hawakan kung alam mong bibitawan mo lang.”
24. “Bakit ba ayaw matulog ng mga bata sa tanghali? alam ba nilang pag natuto silang umibig e hindi na sila makakatulog kahit gusto nila?
25. “Hindi lungkot o takot ang mahirap sa pag-iisa kundi ang pagtanggap na sa bilyon-bilyong tao sa mundo, wala man lang nakipaglaban upang makasama ka.”
---> been reading BOB ONG's quotes for so long now. been addicted to the text message version as well. have read some of his earlier works when i was in college.
this time, i just wanna have this on my blog. for reference purposes. LOL
2. “Huwag mong bitawan ang bagay na hindi mo kayang makitang hawak ng iba.”
3. “Huwag mong hawakan kung alam mong bibitawan mo lang.”
4. “Huwag na huwag ka hahawak kapag alam mong may hawak ka na.”
5. “Parang elevator lang yan eh, bakit mo pagsisiksikan ung sarili mo kung walang pwesto para sayo. Eh meron naman hagdan, ayaw mo lang pansinin.”
6. “Kung maghihintay ka nang lalandi sayo, walang mangyayari sa buhay mo.. Dapat lumandi ka din.”
7. “Pag may mahal ka at ayaw sayo, hayaan mo. Malay mo sa mga susunod na araw ayaw mo na din sa kanya, naunahan ka lang.”
8. “Hiwalayan na kung di ka na masaya. Walang gamot sa tanga kundi pagkukusa.”
9. “Pag hindi ka mahal ng mahal mo wag ka magreklamo. Kasi may mga tao rin na di mo mahal pero mahal ka.. Kaya quits lang.”
10. “Kung dalawa ang mahal mo, piliin mo yung pangalawa. Kasi hindi ka naman magmamahal ng iba kung mahal mo talaga yung una.”
11. “Hindi porke’t madalas mong ka-chat, kausap sa telepono, kasama sa mga lakad o ka-text ng wantusawa eh may gusto sayo at magkakatuluyan kayo. Meron lang talagang mga taong sadyang friendly, sweet, flirt, malandi, pa-fall o paasa.”
12. “Huwag magmadali sa babae o lalaki. Tatlo, lima, sampung taon, mag-iiba ang pamantayan mo at maiisip mong hindi pala tamang pumili ng kapareha dahil lang maganda o nakakalibog ito. Totong mas mahalaga ang kalooban ng tao higit sa anuman. Sa paglipas ng panahon, maging ang mga crush ng bayan nagmumukha ding pandesal, maniwala ka.”
13. “Minsan kahit ikaw ang nakaschedule, kailangan mo pa rin maghintay, kasi hindi ikaw ang priority.”
14. “Mahirap pumapel sa buhay ng tao. Lalo na kung hindi ikaw yung bida sa script na pinili nya.”
15. “Alam mo ba kung gaano kalayo ang pagitan ng dalawang tao pag nagtalikuran na sila? Kailangan mong libutin ang buong mundo para lang makaharap ulit ang taong tinalikuran mo.”
16. “Mas mabuting mabigo sa paggawa ng isang bagay kesa magtagumpay sa paggawa ng wala”
17. “Hindi lahat ng kaya mong intindihin ay katotohan, at hindi lahat ng hindi mo kayang intindihin ay kasinungalingan”
18. “Kung nagmahal ka ng taong di dapat at nasaktan ka, wag mong sisihin ang puso mo. Tumitibok lng yan para mag-supply ng dugo sa katawan mo. Ngayon, kung magaling ka sa anatomy at ang sisisihin mo naman ay ang hypothalamus mo na kumokontrol ng emotions mo, mali ka pa rin! Bakit? Utang na loob! Wag mong isisi sa body organs mo ang mga sama ng loob mo sa buhay! Tandaan mo: magiging masaya ka lang kung matututo kang tanggapin na hindi ang puso, utak, atay o bituka mo ang may kasalanan sa lahat ng nangyari sayo, kundi IKAW mismo!”
19. “Ang pag-ibig parang imburnal…nakakatakot mahulog…at kapag nahulog ka, it’s either by accident or talagang tanga ka…”
20. “walang taong manhid…hindi niya lang talaga maintindihan kung ano ang gusto mong iparating dahil ayaw mo siyang diretsuhin..”
21. “kahit ikaw ay parang bato na manhid at walang pakiramamdam, mag ingat-ingat ka naman, dahil kahit ganyan ka, hindi nasasaktan, kaya mo namang makasakit”
22. “Gamitin ang puso para alagaan ang taong malapit sayo. Gamitin ang utak para alagaan ang sarili mo."
23. “Huwag mong hawakan kung alam mong bibitawan mo lang.”
24. “Bakit ba ayaw matulog ng mga bata sa tanghali? alam ba nilang pag natuto silang umibig e hindi na sila makakatulog kahit gusto nila?
25. “Hindi lungkot o takot ang mahirap sa pag-iisa kundi ang pagtanggap na sa bilyon-bilyong tao sa mundo, wala man lang nakipaglaban upang makasama ka.”
---> been reading BOB ONG's quotes for so long now. been addicted to the text message version as well. have read some of his earlier works when i was in college.
this time, i just wanna have this on my blog. for reference purposes. LOL
Friday, June 4, 2010
paulo coelho
"There is always someone in the world waiting for someone else, whether in the middle of the desert or in the heart of some big city. And when these two people’s paths cross and their eyes meet, the whole of the past and the whole of the future lose all importance, and there only exists that moment and that incredible certainty that everything under the Sun was written by the very same Hand. The Hand that awakens Love and creates a sister soul for everyone who works, rests and seeks treasures under the Sun. Were it not for this, the dreams of the human race would make no sense." -Warrior of Light
this makes me feel so much better.
ang sarap isiping may isang tao na AKO ang hinahanap. hindi dahil kilala niya ako o kung ano pa man, kundi dahil ako ang hinahanap ng puso niya.
i've been in this rot for so long now. i don't mean to. i just feel things more deeply than other people. so when i love, i love with my whole being. and when i get hurt, it cuts through my soul.
i love as intense as i could.
ba't ba kasi ganto na naman ang nararamdaman ko?
kelan ba talagang mag react ako ng ganto dahil sa nabasa ko?
sabi niya kasi sa isa niyang post (di ko sya friend sa fb. nag kataon lang na yung brother nya na friend ko nag comment dun sa post kaya ko nakita. at nag explain talaga ako.)
and i quote " " i'm a victim of endless unfortunate real love" --------- dahil sa mga babaero ang karamihang lalaki ngayon,nadadamay ako,...mag pakatino na nga kayo,.."
madaming nag comment. nasabi nya din na siya lagi ang biktima.
di naman fair yun.
hanggang ngayon kasi i still feel the pain of his betrayals and infidelity.
pero mabuit na rin yun.
i realized kasi na may mga bagay at pagkakataon sa buhay na hindi dapat kalimutan kailanman.
yun lang kasi ang paraan para yung mga lessons learned ay di rin mawala sa isip.
sayang nga naman ng lahat ng luha kung kalilimutan lang yun.
oh well.
karma na yun sakanya.
this makes me feel so much better.
ang sarap isiping may isang tao na AKO ang hinahanap. hindi dahil kilala niya ako o kung ano pa man, kundi dahil ako ang hinahanap ng puso niya.
i've been in this rot for so long now. i don't mean to. i just feel things more deeply than other people. so when i love, i love with my whole being. and when i get hurt, it cuts through my soul.
i love as intense as i could.
ba't ba kasi ganto na naman ang nararamdaman ko?
kelan ba talagang mag react ako ng ganto dahil sa nabasa ko?
sabi niya kasi sa isa niyang post (di ko sya friend sa fb. nag kataon lang na yung brother nya na friend ko nag comment dun sa post kaya ko nakita. at nag explain talaga ako.)
and i quote " " i'm a victim of endless unfortunate real love" --------- dahil sa mga babaero ang karamihang lalaki ngayon,nadadamay ako,...mag pakatino na nga kayo,.."
madaming nag comment. nasabi nya din na siya lagi ang biktima.
di naman fair yun.
hanggang ngayon kasi i still feel the pain of his betrayals and infidelity.
pero mabuit na rin yun.
i realized kasi na may mga bagay at pagkakataon sa buhay na hindi dapat kalimutan kailanman.
yun lang kasi ang paraan para yung mga lessons learned ay di rin mawala sa isip.
sayang nga naman ng lahat ng luha kung kalilimutan lang yun.
oh well.
karma na yun sakanya.
Saturday, May 29, 2010
a gift from the past
minsan kasi, mas tamang manahimik na lang kesa ipagsigawan ang nararamdaman. anong laban ko sa mundong bingi at sa taong sadyang nag bibingi-bingihan?
eto ang natutunan ko.
sa totoo lang, gustung-gusto kitang ipaglaban noon. gusto kong lumaban kahit alam kong sa una pa lang e talo nako. wala na sakin ang puso mo e. pero naniniwala pa rin ako noon na sa takdang panahon, mapapasakin itong muli.
di ba ganun sa mga pelikula? lalayo ang lalaki. mag kakarelasyon sa iba, pero sa bandang huli ay babalik pa rin dun sa babaeng bida.
ganun ako dati. feeling ko nasa telebisyon din ako at kaya kong diktahan ang script ng buhay ko.
nung tumagal, nag sawa na rin siguro ang puso ko. o baka naman, ang utak ko na ang sumuko sa kakaisip at kakahintay kung kelan ka ba talaga muling babalik.
sabi ng tita ko, impostor daw ako.
impostor nga ba ako?
nag kukubli nga lang ba ako sa takot kaya di ko masabing siya pa rin ang hinihintay ko?
mukhang hindi na. sana hindi na.
kasi nung natuto akong manahimik, nung natuto akong kalimutang isipin sya, natutunan ko ring mahalin ang sarili ko.
kung dati'y okay lang sakin na masaktan basta't anjan sya, ngayon di na pwede yun.
kung dati'y parating nauuna yung kung ano ang gusto at kung ano ang mararamdaman nya, ngayon mas importante yung kung saan ako magiging masaya at kung ano ang gusto ko.
natutunan kong umibig muli nung mga panahong pinipilit kong matuto na wala sya sa buhay ko.
umibig akong muli.
at sa tingin ko, ito ang pinaka magandang regalong nakuha ko mula sa relasyon na yun.
minahal ko ang sarili ko.
eto ang natutunan ko.
sa totoo lang, gustung-gusto kitang ipaglaban noon. gusto kong lumaban kahit alam kong sa una pa lang e talo nako. wala na sakin ang puso mo e. pero naniniwala pa rin ako noon na sa takdang panahon, mapapasakin itong muli.
di ba ganun sa mga pelikula? lalayo ang lalaki. mag kakarelasyon sa iba, pero sa bandang huli ay babalik pa rin dun sa babaeng bida.
ganun ako dati. feeling ko nasa telebisyon din ako at kaya kong diktahan ang script ng buhay ko.
nung tumagal, nag sawa na rin siguro ang puso ko. o baka naman, ang utak ko na ang sumuko sa kakaisip at kakahintay kung kelan ka ba talaga muling babalik.
sabi ng tita ko, impostor daw ako.
impostor nga ba ako?
nag kukubli nga lang ba ako sa takot kaya di ko masabing siya pa rin ang hinihintay ko?
mukhang hindi na. sana hindi na.
kasi nung natuto akong manahimik, nung natuto akong kalimutang isipin sya, natutunan ko ring mahalin ang sarili ko.
kung dati'y okay lang sakin na masaktan basta't anjan sya, ngayon di na pwede yun.
kung dati'y parating nauuna yung kung ano ang gusto at kung ano ang mararamdaman nya, ngayon mas importante yung kung saan ako magiging masaya at kung ano ang gusto ko.
natutunan kong umibig muli nung mga panahong pinipilit kong matuto na wala sya sa buhay ko.
umibig akong muli.
at sa tingin ko, ito ang pinaka magandang regalong nakuha ko mula sa relasyon na yun.
minahal ko ang sarili ko.
Friday, May 28, 2010
my bleeding heart
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when i saw this in So You Think You Can Dance, i didn't know what to feel. i was so overwhelmed with emotions. nasabi ko na lang, TUMPAK!
i could see the subtle manipulations of the guy. i could see how the girl so willingly fell for the trap. i could see every twist and turn of the menacing plot to break her heart.
and then he walked away.
common!
naka relate ako ng bonggang bongga!
i cried after the dance.
parang sa totoong buhay lang.
umiyak din ako nun e.
when i saw this in So You Think You Can Dance, i didn't know what to feel. i was so overwhelmed with emotions. nasabi ko na lang, TUMPAK!
i could see the subtle manipulations of the guy. i could see how the girl so willingly fell for the trap. i could see every twist and turn of the menacing plot to break her heart.
and then he walked away.
common!
naka relate ako ng bonggang bongga!
i cried after the dance.
parang sa totoong buhay lang.
umiyak din ako nun e.
Wednesday, May 26, 2010
enough na nga ba?
ta yen and i have been talking about my cousin's never ending story with her ex. don't get me wrong, though. he is already married and she already has a boyfriend. but every time he comes home, they always get together and talk. and from what we can see, she seems happier than the usual.
as ta yen said, we can just let her be happy even for just a while. even if those times were just really stolen moments from their lives. she said that someday, i will soon join their ranks. the best ladies of the exes still waiting. i told her that i don't want that kind of life. that i have had enough of the pain from a love that could never be.
she said i can never really be sure because Camilla wasn;t e\able to turn her back when Prince Charles came running back to her.
hayst.
the heart of a man is really tricky and confusing most of the times.
then this got me thinking.
am i really strong enough to say no to him if ever the time comes when he comes back? will i have the courage to move on from him?
as of now, i can most definitely say that i am through with him. that i have had enough of his transgressions, lies and infidelities.
but i am not closing any doors. but i am surely opening the windows and the roof. i am widening my horizon, hoping to find MY man.
only time can tell if i will be able to resist him.
but for now, NEXT na muna.
nakakapagod din kasi na sya na lang lagi. siya na nga lang lagi, di naman nag babago ang story namin.
parati na lang lokohan, bolahan.
this time, i want a relationship where i can clearly see a bright future for both of us.
sana.
sana.
sana.
as ta yen said, we can just let her be happy even for just a while. even if those times were just really stolen moments from their lives. she said that someday, i will soon join their ranks. the best ladies of the exes still waiting. i told her that i don't want that kind of life. that i have had enough of the pain from a love that could never be.
she said i can never really be sure because Camilla wasn;t e\able to turn her back when Prince Charles came running back to her.
hayst.
the heart of a man is really tricky and confusing most of the times.
then this got me thinking.
am i really strong enough to say no to him if ever the time comes when he comes back? will i have the courage to move on from him?
as of now, i can most definitely say that i am through with him. that i have had enough of his transgressions, lies and infidelities.
but i am not closing any doors. but i am surely opening the windows and the roof. i am widening my horizon, hoping to find MY man.
only time can tell if i will be able to resist him.
but for now, NEXT na muna.
nakakapagod din kasi na sya na lang lagi. siya na nga lang lagi, di naman nag babago ang story namin.
parati na lang lokohan, bolahan.
this time, i want a relationship where i can clearly see a bright future for both of us.
sana.
sana.
sana.
Sunday, May 23, 2010
Y
now i know how it feels to be jealous.... yung tipong wala na kayo, matagal na, naka move on ka na pero nung makita mong may kasama siyang iba, may kirot pa rin.
i know for a fact that i have moved on. walang duda dun. i'm happy right now. i don't even miss him anymore. but seeing him with someone else for the first time made me think that it could have been me. ganto pala ang feeling.
i know this will just pass. it's just funny because i didn't expect that i would feel this way.
oh well.
i know for a fact that i have moved on. walang duda dun. i'm happy right now. i don't even miss him anymore. but seeing him with someone else for the first time made me think that it could have been me. ganto pala ang feeling.
i know this will just pass. it's just funny because i didn't expect that i would feel this way.
oh well.
Thursday, May 6, 2010
ओल्ड song
it feels like im experiencing deja vu. why? because you are doing the exact same things that broke my heart last december. you don't text, you don't even answer my calls. i have made all the effort to win you back although it should be you who's doing everything to win ME back. but it's okay. i'm not complaining. why? because i want you. i want us to make things work. i want us to be together. why? because i love you.
i have loved you for so long... since we were in elementary. surprised? i bet you are. nobody knew about this. this is my little secret. it has been a secret until now. i decided to tell you coz it will help to make you understand why i am doing everything i can to have you.
but it seems like i am losing you... AGAIN. the thing that hurts me most about this is not because you are not making an effort, but because it seems like you are taking me for granted. not only me but my feelings for you.
i no longer know how to make peace with my mind... it's telling me to let you go. that i have lost the battle. that no matter how i try, the decision to stay or go is in your hands. that i do not have the power to make you change your mind once you decided to move on.
i am at a crossroad where i have to make a very hard decision.
will i let you go and have a certain peace of mind?
or should i fight for what we used to have but suffer during the process?
then a thought came, will i be able to live with myself if i let you go? maybe.
i have never thought before that it is possible for me to let you go. that it would be best to just move on with my life without you.
this is the dilemma i am experiencing right now. i have to decide what to do.
am i strong enough to let you go?
i do not have the vaguest idea if or when you will be able to read this. and i also know that being the sensitive man that you are, some of what i have said here might hurt you. but i am just trying to clear this off my chest coz i am going crazy living day after day and pretending that everything's okay. i am not okay. i am hurting and i want answers from you.
i have loved you for so long... since we were in elementary. surprised? i bet you are. nobody knew about this. this is my little secret. it has been a secret until now. i decided to tell you coz it will help to make you understand why i am doing everything i can to have you.
but it seems like i am losing you... AGAIN. the thing that hurts me most about this is not because you are not making an effort, but because it seems like you are taking me for granted. not only me but my feelings for you.
i no longer know how to make peace with my mind... it's telling me to let you go. that i have lost the battle. that no matter how i try, the decision to stay or go is in your hands. that i do not have the power to make you change your mind once you decided to move on.
i am at a crossroad where i have to make a very hard decision.
will i let you go and have a certain peace of mind?
or should i fight for what we used to have but suffer during the process?
then a thought came, will i be able to live with myself if i let you go? maybe.
i have never thought before that it is possible for me to let you go. that it would be best to just move on with my life without you.
this is the dilemma i am experiencing right now. i have to decide what to do.
am i strong enough to let you go?
i do not have the vaguest idea if or when you will be able to read this. and i also know that being the sensitive man that you are, some of what i have said here might hurt you. but i am just trying to clear this off my chest coz i am going crazy living day after day and pretending that everything's okay. i am not okay. i am hurting and i want answers from you.
Wednesday, April 28, 2010
spring awakening
funny how loneliness in the midst of a buzzing city can make one's priorities get back to the straight and the narrow.
i don't wanna be here manila. period.
i don't wanna work here in manila. period.
i love bicol. i could get through the minor and major problems in my life as long as i am there.
besides i made a promise to my lola.
i will be in bicol... SOON.
yey!
i will be home soon.
super excited.
funny how loneliness in the midst of a buzzing city can make one's priorities get back to the straight and the narrow.
i don't wanna be here manila. period.
i don't wanna work here in manila. period.
i love bicol. i could get through the minor and major problems in my life as long as i am there.
besides i made a promise to my lola.
i will be in bicol... SOON.
yey!
i will be home soon.
super excited.
Wednesday, April 21, 2010
अगेन
AGAIN
now that i am here in Manila, again, maybe i should get back to blogging again. the internet is huge enough to store all my little stories that i usually write.
now, i am starting all over again. searching for a job. applying for the job. going through the usual interviews. been there, done that. what i wanna know now is for how long will i be in the call center industry? is this all i can master to do? what's in store for me in the future?
i don't know.
i wish i have the will power and the courage to travel a different route.
but for the meantime, i have to stay in this mundane world so i can pursue my dreams later.
thy will be done.
now that i am here in Manila, again, maybe i should get back to blogging again. the internet is huge enough to store all my little stories that i usually write.
now, i am starting all over again. searching for a job. applying for the job. going through the usual interviews. been there, done that. what i wanna know now is for how long will i be in the call center industry? is this all i can master to do? what's in store for me in the future?
i don't know.
i wish i have the will power and the courage to travel a different route.
but for the meantime, i have to stay in this mundane world so i can pursue my dreams later.
thy will be done.
Sunday, April 11, 2010
one last cry
Listening to let me be the one by Jimmy Bondoc….
This made me realize that there were a lot of things that I wasn’t able to tell Louie before we broke up….
I wasn’t able to tell him that I loved him most.
I wasn’t able to tell him that although it ended the way it did, I was still thankful of the times that we were together because somehow, someway, he made me feel loved and wanted.
I wasn’t able to tell him that all the pain he caused me were worth it. Maybe not in the eyes of other people but it was for me.
I wasn’t able to tell him that I could still be a friend to him. After all, I still believe that I knew him quite well. And I still believe that I was the only one whom he can fully be himself and let his guard down without him having to worry how I would react.
There were a lot of things that I wasn’t able to tell him.
Maybe I won’t be able to tell him these things anymore. But I still hope that I could….
If we can’t be the best of lovers, we could be the best of friends. Or just friends. Whatever fate grants us.
Maybe time will come when we would be able to sit down and talk about all these things. Maybe we won’t. who knows?
What I know now is that while I am thinking of what used to be, I no longer shed tons of tears. My eyes glisten from the ghost of the past but it doesn’t hurt anymore.
This is it. This is the end of it.
Fade to black. Cue music. Fade in ONE LAST CRY.
This made me realize that there were a lot of things that I wasn’t able to tell Louie before we broke up….
I wasn’t able to tell him that I loved him most.
I wasn’t able to tell him that although it ended the way it did, I was still thankful of the times that we were together because somehow, someway, he made me feel loved and wanted.
I wasn’t able to tell him that all the pain he caused me were worth it. Maybe not in the eyes of other people but it was for me.
I wasn’t able to tell him that I could still be a friend to him. After all, I still believe that I knew him quite well. And I still believe that I was the only one whom he can fully be himself and let his guard down without him having to worry how I would react.
There were a lot of things that I wasn’t able to tell him.
Maybe I won’t be able to tell him these things anymore. But I still hope that I could….
If we can’t be the best of lovers, we could be the best of friends. Or just friends. Whatever fate grants us.
Maybe time will come when we would be able to sit down and talk about all these things. Maybe we won’t. who knows?
What I know now is that while I am thinking of what used to be, I no longer shed tons of tears. My eyes glisten from the ghost of the past but it doesn’t hurt anymore.
This is it. This is the end of it.
Fade to black. Cue music. Fade in ONE LAST CRY.
nine
9:48PM
March 10, 2010
Sometimes I ask myself why I have to go through all of these problems…. Sometimes I don’t even understand why I am being given these problems….
I want to believe that He only gives us the trials that we can handle, that He knows the capacity of our own heart and that He is planning something bigger and better in store for us in the future. But at times like this, when I have nothing, I have no one, what else am I supposed to think? Who else am I supposed to hold on to?
I want to count my blessings. I really do. I have been trying to do just that. But my loneliness and hopelessness doesn’t go away. Sometimes I feel like my sanity’s finally reached its limit. That I am on the brink of insanity. But I hold on. I can still see the light at the end of the tunnel….
But when will this end? For how long will I be tested? I can only take so much. Please dear God….
March 10, 2010
Sometimes I ask myself why I have to go through all of these problems…. Sometimes I don’t even understand why I am being given these problems….
I want to believe that He only gives us the trials that we can handle, that He knows the capacity of our own heart and that He is planning something bigger and better in store for us in the future. But at times like this, when I have nothing, I have no one, what else am I supposed to think? Who else am I supposed to hold on to?
I want to count my blessings. I really do. I have been trying to do just that. But my loneliness and hopelessness doesn’t go away. Sometimes I feel like my sanity’s finally reached its limit. That I am on the brink of insanity. But I hold on. I can still see the light at the end of the tunnel….
But when will this end? For how long will I be tested? I can only take so much. Please dear God….
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