nagmahal kasi ako

nakakatuwang isipin na ngayon, sa kabila ng kawalang paliwanag sa lahat ng mga nangyayari samin ay nakukuha ko pang ngumiti.

siguro nga'y kahit papano ay natuto na din akong makiayon sa agos ng buhay. isang pag ayon at pakikibaka na may kaakibat na pag unawa, pag tanggap.

marahil ay may naikintal na din saakin ang mga mapait na karanasang iyon.

ang puso ko? patuloy pa ring tumitibok at nakikipag laban sa mga bagay na pinaniniwalaan. naninindigan sa kabila ng pag tutol ng napakaraming bagay. siguro nga'y kelangan ko lang maging matatag.

mahal ko e.

sapat ng dahilan yun upang ituloy ang nasimulan.

saan man kami patungo, mabigo man ako, taas noo kong masasabi na ginawa ko ang lahat. na nakipag sapalaran ako. na minsa'y kinalimutan ko ang sarili ko para sakanya.

ganun ako mag mahal. sobra sobra.





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what if

a good good friend asked me something today. it made me think of the other possibilities other than a life with ogl.

scaryness, but it's a possibility.

basta ako, i would want nothing more than a life with him. it's now a forgone conclusion that i am head over heels in love with that man. without a doubt, i am besotted beyond belief.

but what if nga di ba? what would i do?

i'd always follow my heart. where ever this may lead me, i will concede and go with it. always.

for now, what i can say is, no matter how weird our situation is i'm staying. for how long? as long as i can. mahal ko e.

the what if's?

laters.





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im back... for good

i asked him to give me some space for a few days so that i could get my act together...

actually, i texted him that i would not be texting or calling him for a few days.

he had no choice. i already made the decision to do so.

lately kasi, i feel like i am on the verge of just giving up on him, on everything we've had or will ever have. i feel exhausted that it me not feel things anymore.

i don't like not feeling things. i depend on those feelings completely...

i haven't done anything like this before... the i need space kind of thing... but i think i am doing the right thing. it feels right.

right now, i am evaluating the things between us. i am trying to step out and look at it in a different perspective.

one thing is for sure. i don't want to lose him.

i still care.

i'm still willing to fight for that "something" we've had.

i don't wanna give up on someone who can make me feel like this coz it's not everyday that i meet a person who can make me enjoy and love a rollercoaster ride.

it's not everyday that i meet a person who knows me inside and out and still wants me.

it's not everyday that i can meet a person who can make me feel what i feel right now.

puso puso

WHEN IN DOUBT, DON'T.

i have told this very same thing to a lot of friends who's in the exact situation i am now. and every time i tell that to them, i always say it with conviction. may angas factor.

is he really worth it? can i still trust him?

i have so many doubts... but still, i can't find the strenght to forget him... or to leave him.

i found it easy to forget iris. i was able to date other people soon after we broke up. i can't say that the reason behind that was i had someone "special" back then. the truth is, i have some of them who keeps me... well, let's just say i have some people around who makes me feel really special.

it's just that, i can't find in the things i'm looking for in them. something's missing. something's not right.

but when i am with him, IT FEELS RIGHT.

maybe what i'm trying to say here is, although we do not have a perfect relationship, there's no one else like him. that there's no one else i really want to be with but him.

maybe time will come when i would get over him... or forget him... or get over him.

but that time has still to come.

coz as of now, he's the only one i want.

if this does not work out, at least i would be able to say that i did what i had to. more than i had to.