raw emotions. feelings that were kept hidden for such a long time. forgotten and consciously tacked away for safe keeping and never to be opened again.
lately, i've been experiencing emotions that are too painful to even think about. i can succumb to the feeling and just let it all out once and for all. so that after all this years, i will be free from th emotional baggage i have bee carrying. i know it will make me feel so much better. but i choose not to feel. i don't wanna get hurt anymore.
i know i've said that i have moved on from the last relationship. i have. but i'm still bruised and battered. whatever it is that i have to dace, i know i have to face it sooner or later. but for now, i will just gather my strenght first so that i won't break when it is time to finally face my demons from the past.
let me be strong even for just a while. or at least pretend to be strong.
the only thing that's making me go on day by day is the thought that everyday i get closer to finally be happy. what's keeping me from surrendering the fight is the hope that one day, all of this will be over and i can finally close that chapter of my life and i can hold my head high and say "I DID IT." i have faith in myself and to that someone out there who watches over us. i know HE will make things better for me, for us. i know that all of these are just preparations for something better, something wonderful.
for now, let me just feel my sadness. let me engulf myself with words and feel the pain emanate from each word, each letter. coz for now, this is just what i am prepared and ready to do.
i am such a coward.
