at lunch

been blog hopping since i got here and these are the things that i realized:

oo, may mga sugat na kahit alam kong masasaktan ako ay pinipili ko pa ring kinakalikot. hindi dahil sa masokista pero dahil ito ang tanging paraan para maramdaman kong nasasaktan din ako. para makayanan kong balikan ang nakaraan. isang nakaraan na bamagat masalimuot ay totoo.

na minsan, hindi masamang haluan ng kulay ng ilusyon at panaginip ang ikot ng buhay. bakit? upang punan ang kakulangan ng buhay. nang sa gayon, kahit panandalian ay naranasan kong making masaya, umibig, mabigo, at umibig muli.

na sa buhay na 'to, isang malutong na tawa't halakhak ay maari ng maging simula ng isang bagong saliw ng musika.

na sa bandang huli, ang tangi nating magagawa ay ang umibig ng lubos at tanggaping hindi natin hawak ang ating kapalaran.

na hindi lahat ng mahal natin ay mamahalin tayo.

na hindi lahat ng gusto nating makasama habang buhay ay mannanatili sa tabi natin.

na ang tangi nating magagawa ay mag pasalamat...

na minsan sa ating buhay ay may nakilala tayong pinag alayan natin ng totoong pag mamahal.

na kahit ano pa kaikli ang samahang yon, naramdaman natin kung pano magmahal ng lubos...

faith

There are things in life that I can never control. As hard as it may be for me to accept it, I have no other choice but to give in. I have to.

Coz now, I do have faith in us.

Coz time and time again, you’ve proven to me that I will always be that one person that you come home to.

That is enough for me to believe in what we had, what we have and what we will have.

Yes, I know now that somewhere, somehow, our paths will cross… again. That is inevitable. This is the only thing that makes me look forward to tomorrow. That another day brings me closer to that day that we will be together again.

For now, I will be content with this because I know that you still have to carve your own destiny, your own path in this world. I will be satisfied in the thought that although I am not by your side, I am your greatest ally. That I will be cheering you every step of the way.

I love you. That is reason enough. For what? For everything.

will and grace craze

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nagmahal kasi ako

nakakatuwang isipin na ngayon, sa kabila ng kawalang paliwanag sa lahat ng mga nangyayari samin ay nakukuha ko pang ngumiti.

siguro nga'y kahit papano ay natuto na din akong makiayon sa agos ng buhay. isang pag ayon at pakikibaka na may kaakibat na pag unawa, pag tanggap.

marahil ay may naikintal na din saakin ang mga mapait na karanasang iyon.

ang puso ko? patuloy pa ring tumitibok at nakikipag laban sa mga bagay na pinaniniwalaan. naninindigan sa kabila ng pag tutol ng napakaraming bagay. siguro nga'y kelangan ko lang maging matatag.

mahal ko e.

sapat ng dahilan yun upang ituloy ang nasimulan.

saan man kami patungo, mabigo man ako, taas noo kong masasabi na ginawa ko ang lahat. na nakipag sapalaran ako. na minsa'y kinalimutan ko ang sarili ko para sakanya.

ganun ako mag mahal. sobra sobra.





http://secured.cebupacificair.com/itd/itd/DoAirSearch

what if

a good good friend asked me something today. it made me think of the other possibilities other than a life with ogl.

scaryness, but it's a possibility.

basta ako, i would want nothing more than a life with him. it's now a forgone conclusion that i am head over heels in love with that man. without a doubt, i am besotted beyond belief.

but what if nga di ba? what would i do?

i'd always follow my heart. where ever this may lead me, i will concede and go with it. always.

for now, what i can say is, no matter how weird our situation is i'm staying. for how long? as long as i can. mahal ko e.

the what if's?

laters.





http://secured.cebupacificair.com/itd/itd/DoAirSearch

im back... for good

i asked him to give me some space for a few days so that i could get my act together...

actually, i texted him that i would not be texting or calling him for a few days.

he had no choice. i already made the decision to do so.

lately kasi, i feel like i am on the verge of just giving up on him, on everything we've had or will ever have. i feel exhausted that it me not feel things anymore.

i don't like not feeling things. i depend on those feelings completely...

i haven't done anything like this before... the i need space kind of thing... but i think i am doing the right thing. it feels right.

right now, i am evaluating the things between us. i am trying to step out and look at it in a different perspective.

one thing is for sure. i don't want to lose him.

i still care.

i'm still willing to fight for that "something" we've had.

i don't wanna give up on someone who can make me feel like this coz it's not everyday that i meet a person who can make me enjoy and love a rollercoaster ride.

it's not everyday that i meet a person who knows me inside and out and still wants me.

it's not everyday that i can meet a person who can make me feel what i feel right now.

puso puso

WHEN IN DOUBT, DON'T.

i have told this very same thing to a lot of friends who's in the exact situation i am now. and every time i tell that to them, i always say it with conviction. may angas factor.

is he really worth it? can i still trust him?

i have so many doubts... but still, i can't find the strenght to forget him... or to leave him.

i found it easy to forget iris. i was able to date other people soon after we broke up. i can't say that the reason behind that was i had someone "special" back then. the truth is, i have some of them who keeps me... well, let's just say i have some people around who makes me feel really special.

it's just that, i can't find in the things i'm looking for in them. something's missing. something's not right.

but when i am with him, IT FEELS RIGHT.

maybe what i'm trying to say here is, although we do not have a perfect relationship, there's no one else like him. that there's no one else i really want to be with but him.

maybe time will come when i would get over him... or forget him... or get over him.

but that time has still to come.

coz as of now, he's the only one i want.

if this does not work out, at least i would be able to say that i did what i had to. more than i had to.