letting go

- Get Your Own


To let go does not mean to stop caring,
it means I can't do it for someone else.
To let go is not to cut myself off,
it's the realization I can't control another.
To let go is not to enable,
but allow learning from natural consequences.
To let go is to admit powerlessness, which means
the outcome is not in my hands.
To let go is not to try to change or blame another,
it's to make the most of myself.
To let go is not to care for,
but to care about.
To let go is not to fix,
but to be supportive.
To let go is not to judge,
but to allow another to be a human being.
To let go is not to be in the middle arranging all the outcomes,
but to allow others to affect their destinies.
To let go is not to be protective,
it's to permit another to face reality.
To let go is not to deny,
but to accept.
To let go is not to nag, scold or argue,
but instead to search out my own shortcomings and correct them.
To let go is not to adjust everything to my desires,
but to take each day as it comes and cherish myself in it.
To let go is not to criticize or regulate anybody,
but to try to become what I dream I can be.
To let go is not to regret the past,
but to grow and live for the future.

To let go is to fear less and love more
Remember: The time to love is short

------ author unknown



letting go is easier said than done.

malapit nako mag-graduate sa masters degree ko sa letting go ko na course. sa ganda ba naman ng performance ko, i think i will be a laude.

the first time i let go of someone, it was because he took me for granted. i think, he thought that since i did love him, i will always be there for him patiently waiting. i did wait. but, i found out that waiting for someone you're not sure will come back, or for someone who's really not worth the wait... well i moved on. said buh-bye and flipped my hair. ha!

the second and most recent happened because, as he put it in his own words 'ayaw nya akong madamay sa magulo at masalimuot nyang mundo sa ngayon.' kesyo i have no idea daw how much he wanted to beg and plead for me to take him back. chorva chorva chorva. when all was said and done, he did not come back.

so i did what i had to, let him go ... again.

i really didn't want to. i was holding on to what he said. kaso, it's so hard to hold on to something na walang kasigaraduhan. kasi kahit xa mismo, di nya alam kung ano ang gusto nya. or kung gusto nya pa ba ituloy.

i can deny it all i want and with conviction pa na i'm over him na. pero ayoko naman gawin. bad mag sinungaling.

coz the truth is, im still waiting for him. im still hoping na someday babalik xa. that i still love him.

ewan ko ba. lagi na lang kami ganto. lagi na lang unfinished business and drama.

pero kahit na i still have feelings for him, it doesn't mean na im closing my doors na to other people. im not. yun nga lang, im not yet ready.

kakapagod din kasi. sobrang emotionally drained nako. kelangan ko muna mag pahinga. tsaka naman ang kwentuhang puso. pag kaya ko na ulit mag mahal.

- Get Your Own


When i reveal my true colors in love, i am a COMMITTED PARTNER

You are a devoted person who feels the greatest sense of security when you're in a stable relationship with a dedicated partner. At times when you're not part of a couple, you're likely daydreaming about romance — at least during the moments when your mind isn't focused on advancing your own personal success. You have an easygoing, approachable nature that can make you a great mate and friend. It's a trait you can surely put to good use in any romantic relationship.

results are from tickle.com. hehe

- Get Your Own


WHAT I WANT IN A MAN

Romance
You don't need a doting guy in order to feel satisfied. In fact, although you might prefer a guy who'll occasionally pamper you with gifts or affection, you don't need your ideal man to be a true romantic. (Two famous men who might fit your romance profile are Mark Wahlberg and Jack Nicholson.) Heck, you might even find sappy or romantic acts cheesy rather than desirable. Or perhaps you look at men with a realistic eye and recognize that the passionate, expressive qualities many women crave are rarely found outside the movies. Whether you're romantic or not, your open-minded, practical outlook will significantly increase your chances of meeting Mr. Right!

Maturity
Love might be a serious game, but it should still be fun. Too much sophistication can kill the romance. But we didn't have to tell you that. It sounds like you always go for the kind of guy who knows how to cut loose and just be himself. Practicality and maturity are respectable qualities, sure, and no man should be completely without them, but they've never been high on your list of important ingredients for an exciting night out. Based on your answers, we think your perfect guy — someone like Jerry Seinfeld or Cuba Gooding Jr., perhaps? — should know how to have a great time without acting too childish or outrageous. Whether he adds a little bit of danger to your life or just has a great sense of humor, your ideal man would still be young enough at heart to let the kid in him emerge.

Lifestyle
Love doesn't come cheap, but it doesn't have to be all that expensive, either. It sounds like you're not very concerned about your ideal man's financial situation. Of course, we all dream of living well, but it's a mistake to mix your expectations of love with your hopes for a first-class lifestyle. Based on your answers, it seems like money isn't a real romantic concern for you. On the airplane of love, you're just as happy traveling coach as first class. (Two TV guys who live up to your financial expectations — or lack thereof — are Chandler and Ross from "Friends.") Being detached from materialist concerns is a healthy, realistic attitude and should help make you happy. It means that when Mr. Right crosses your path, you'll be sure to recognize him and not worry about the size of his wallet.

Looks
You seem to know instinctively that love is blind, so why rule out any potential suitors? Sure, you probably prefer a looker (who doesn't?!), but you don't have strict standards by which you measure a potential date's physical appearance. Nicolas Cage? Ben Stiller? Just your style. Not only does this tendency reflect your innate good nature, but it also indicates that you'll be more apt to find your ideal man, since you're not someone who shuts the door on anyone who couldn't make a magazine cover. Of course, just because you're willing to look past the surface doesn't mean that your guy will be anything less than stunning. Whoever he is and whatever he looks like, you'll find him because your mind and heart are open.

- Get Your Own


what kind of a kisser am i?

Romantic Kisser

Whew, is it warm in here or is that just you? When it comes to kissing, you get your drive from the lure of romance. For you, it's more than a meeting of the lips. You appreciate kissing for the rush and for what it symbolizes. Long-stemmed roses, candlelight dinners, and weekend retreats to bed and breakfasts. Sound about your speed?

You're a kissing partner who can go beyond the sweet surrender of locking lips to discuss the meaning of relationships. To really express yourself, you're probably one who's concerned with setting the proper mood. You might light a fire or take your date to a beautiful lookout before cuddling and kissing. You probably like to make a lot of eye contact, gently hug and touch your date, and talk tenderly about your feelings.

While your intensions are pure, your intensity might sometimes be a little overwhelming. Don't forget that being playful can also be a sign of affection, and remember, sometimes a kiss is just a kiss.

this damn sadness thing is creeping on my existence and i am not liking it one bit. not at all!

i have already passed this once, and with flying colors pa! why is it happening again? shit. this sucks.

am i missing something? or someone? grrr.

sometimes, it's good to be numb, to not feel anything. how i wish i can do this right now... not to feel anything for someone.

damn. i miss him. after everything he did, i still miss him.

it's always him.

damn.

this thing we had reminds me of the relationship cole and phoebe had in charmed. dangerous, all consuming.

damn.

i hope this is just one of those days na it's ok for me na mag inarte and to be hiper sensitive and susceptive to sadness. kasi kung hindi.... i don't even wanna think about that possibility.

damn.

Here, There And Everywhere

- Get Your Own


To lead a better life I need my love to be here...

Here, making each day of the year
Changing my life with a wave of her hand
Nobody can deny that there's something there

There, running my hands through her hair
Both of us thinking how good it can be
Someone is speaking but she doesn't know he's there

I want her everywhere and if she's beside me
I know I need never care
But to love her is to need her everywhere
Knowing that love is to share

Each one believing that love never dies
Watching her eyes and hoping I'm always there

I want her everywhere and if she's beside me
I know I need never care
But to love her is to need her everywhere
Knowing that love is to share

Each one believing that love never dies
Watching her eyes and hoping I'm always there

To be there and everywhere
Here, there and everywhere

i want this kind of love... the i can't leave without you, i'm lost without you kind of love from a man.... hooo!

- Get Your Own


im sorry....

hay, basta, i really can't do that yet. not yet. mahirap i-explain kasi kahit ako, naguguluhan na din.

i would love to think that i have moved on. pero parang hindi pa e. at least completely. i still have emotional baggage from the last one. madami-dami pa naman yun. haha

but i must admit, ang haba ng hair ko. nora, pakisara ng pinto. syef!

let me try to explain kung bakit ayoko:

i tried kasi before, after a relationship din. everything was okay. i was enjoying that time. nakakaaliw. and then, one day, may bumalik. pinili ko yung bumalik so yung isa, nawala.

i lost a friend after nun. nawalan na ng communication.

i don't wanna hurt anybody's feelings.

ganto na lang muna. walang complications. walang anik-anik. simple lang. walang ibang iniisip sarili lang.

basta. ang gulo ng life. nyeta.

- Get Your Own


Time does not bring relief; you all have lied
Who told me time would ease me of my pain!
I miss him in the weeping of the rain;
I want him at the shrinking of the tide;
The old snows melt from every mountain-side,
And last year's leaves are smoke in every lane;
But last year's bitter loving must remain
Heaped on my heart, and my old thoughts abide.
There are a hundred places where I fear
To go - so with his memory they brim.
And entering with relief some quiet place
Where never fell his foot or shone his face
I say, 'There is no memory of him here!'
And so stand stricken, so remembering him.


Edna St Vincent Millay (1892 -1950)

just wanna share a bitter bitter-an poem we got on the net.

i must admit, i had the most exciting valentines this year. and take note, i didn't have a date or a boyfriend. aliw1 aliw! aliw!

spent the day at work... na puro kwentuhan lang naman. hehe then, spent the night at 101 with friends. damn! we had a great time!

maaaga naming na accomplish ang aming goal for the night. amin na lang kung ano man yun. basta mission accomplished agad. haha

i must say, ang haba ng hair ko that night. as in, talo ang baklang rapunzel.

and to add the cherry to the cake, nag text si pay. aliw daw mag bar 101. he texted wala pa kaming 30 minutes na nakaupo at lumalafang sa 01. i don't know if he was there or someone he knew told him that i was there. i don't care. mahaba ang hair ko. jealous type talaga si pay. knowing that, i made sure na kung andun man xa or kung may espiya xa, madami silang mapag uusapan about me. i danced till the wee hours of the morning. at hindi lang iisa ang lumapit sa amin na mhen.

mamatay xa sa selos.

maybe it was a sign na din siguro na di ako nag load that day. once lang ako nag reply sakanya. after that, sumayaw na kami forever. ewan. basta.

it was time na din siguro for me to move on with my life. i have so much going on with my life. it's not fair for me to just sit at home and think of the what could have been's. i did what i had to. i did more than my fair share.

if he wants me back, he has to be worthy to be with me. he has to earn my trust.

i am not closing any door, but i am also opening up the windows. so welcome, welcome. hehe

basta ako, i am happy. i have friends who care and love me, who does not take me for granted.

i am making the most out of what i have right now. di naman ako nag mamadali to be in another relationship e. pahinga na muna. i'm emotionally drained and exhausted. enough na muna.

the man for me will come. when? i don't know. darating na lang yan.

yung tipong di na kelangan antayin o pilitin.

yududuy!

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kahapon, tinanong ako nung friend ko if i have a date daw on valentines day. sabi ko, wala. as k din nya kung anong plano ko since wala akong date. sabi ko naman, bar hop kami with my friends here sa office.

naloka ata xa sa sagot ko na yun kasi sabi nya; "ano? ok ka na? naka-move on ka na?"

hehe naaliw naman ako sa sinabi nyang yun. ofcourse i'm not yet totally over him yet. it's takes time to be really over a relationship. pero i'm already in process of getting over him. mas madali na kesa last time. josko, been there done that. i already know the do's and don'ts.

may sinabi din si sis kahapon na tama e. sabi nya, ayaw naman daw nya mag date just for the sake of having one. oo nga naman. ano yun, joke joke? para lang masabi na may date? wa ko bet.

i'll just enjoy my valentines with my friends. go to the bar and dance till i drop. mas aliw yun.

masarap din naman maging single e. (defensive maxado) madaming benefits. una na dun yung walang iisipin kung nagloloko ba yung jowa o kung may kasamang iba. anjan din yung kung wala man ibang babae, what if lalaki na pala yung feel nya? yuckity yuck yuck. ano yun, chick-boy? AC-DC?

basta, sarap maging single. walang sakit sa ulo.

shef, bakit parang maxado naman atang bitter ang mga pinag sasabi ko?

hmm... no, hindi ako bitter. sabi nga ni bulag, mga pangit lang ang nagiging bitter.

yun na.